CLAUS VON BULOW, THE MALE GAZE, THE LAWYER AND LAW & ORDER

Seeing his obituaries this week reminded me I met Claus Von Bulow once. It was almost exactly 20 years ago, in July 1999, at the annual Spectator garden party, at the offices in Doughty Street, back when Boris Johnson was the editor and I was writing the occasional outre review for the estimable Mark Amory, the books editor. As always, it was crowded and warm and the champagne was flowing. I found myself in a group with someone I knew and two other men, one of whom was Bulow. It was all pleasant enough, in a sort of dismissive English upper-class way. Then a woman walked past, attractive with a rather large chest. "Look at those tits," Bulow said, or words to that effect. And a few minutes later, when the same woman walked past again, he called her over, and pointed to me. "My friend here was very complimentary about your breasts, my dear," he said.

I blushed, and stammered some sort of denial, and while he was being charming to the woman I turned to my friend and said "He did it."I did not hang around him much longer; oddly enough I later spoke with the woman, explained, presented my theory as to Sunny Bulow's murder, and we wound up going out for dinner a few weeks later. Nothing came of it, but I thought of her a few years later when David Cameron came to prominence. She did PR for Carlton, as did Cameron, Cameron and Boris were both Bully Boys from the Bullingdon Club, and it occured to me at that point that might have been why she was at the Spectator party. I haven't written for the Speccie in a while; in fact I believe the last party to which I was invited was the one of 7 July 2005, which was cancelled after the bombings at Kings Cross.

There's no need to rehash the case now; but that night it seemed clear to me that 'von' Bulow was a perfect fit for at least one portion of the crowd at a Spectator party. That kind of exclusive club person who's distinctly aware of his own distance from the rest, somewhat creepy if you weren't impressed by what passed for charm. I could see where he would be entertaining, how he'd be invited to parties even without the notoriety. But the notoriety made him irresistible; hosts using him just as he was using them.

It's interesting that his attorney who won him a second trial was Alan Dershowitz, whose book Reversal Of Fortune formed the basis of the movie. Jeremy Irons won his Oscar for that one in large part for being able to project ambiguity, but there was a more interesting version of the murder made as an episode of Law & Order, series 4 episode 5, called 'Black Tie' (1993). It is basically the same insulin-based murder case, but the sexes of victim and suspected killer have been reversed.

The victim is the husband, the accused is the wife, who despite her protestations of being blase about their separate lives, knew her husband was planning to divorce her for his mistress. It presents the issues clearly, most importantly Dershowitz's main point was that evidence obtained by investigators hired by the children had no right to search, as they were acting as de facto agents of the police. The Law & Order casting was perfect: Caroline Lagerfelt was her icy best as the wife; the amazing Viveca Lindfors was the maid who suspects foul play, and Beverly Johnson was good as the mistress. John McMartin, whose face you would recognise, is the family lawyer, and Jeffrey DeMunn plays the Dershowitz figure: a law professor whose recurring part on L&O was as the 'disinterested' lawyer who is always hired by rich clients and proceeds because he allegedly is pursuing points of law.

DeMunn is an elegant, sharp-edged actor, with an intense gaze that can make him seem haughtily detached; he and Lagerfelt made a good pair. In fact,  Dershowitz has been remarkably well-served on screen, with Ron Silver playing him in Reversal, all noble energy, more private eye than law professor, and Evan Handler in The People vs OJ Simpson perhaps not quite so flattering, but very small-town (Harvard) academic. That's interesting, once you throw DeMunn into the mix, because not by their actors but by their clients you shall know them.

MRS MAY, MR BECKETT AND THE BREXIT ENDGAME

"The negotiations for our departure are now in the endgame," said Mrs Theresa May on the evening of 12 November, at the Lord Mayor's Banquet in The Guildhall, a suitable occasion to celebrate the kamikaze-like devotion to a display of the splendor of British (or English) sovereignty. It came a day after the ceremonies marking the 100th anniversary of the end of "the war to end all wars". The BBC Radio 4 Now Show was more perfectly ironic in describing the Remembrance Day ceremony as honoring the lives of hundreds of thousands of Englishmen who gave their lives in defense of Brussels.

But it was odd that May should choose a word recalling Samuel Beckett's play to describe the negotiations which would stretch until three in the morning that very morning, and which appear to offer very little to anyone. May's genius has been to divide her own party into three factions, one more than plagued Offshore Dave Cameron, which means that every aspect of the Brexit debate is now 'covered' by BBC by presenting all three sides of their national debate: that is, the Tory party: 'Irish Jake' Rees-Mogg and the errrggghhhh group of hard-line No Deal Brexiters; the Remoaners led by the latest opportunistic Johnson, JoJo, the one who gave Toby Young a job regulating university students, until someone noticed; and May's backers (the hapless Damien Green in the BBC Radio 4 Today knees-up I heard a few days ago) for whatever piecemeal 'deal' she manages to get in the end, hampered by the fact that Michel Barnier and the EU play chess while she plays Chequers. Put May, Mogg, Green and JoJo together and you could stage a production of Waiting For Go Now.

In Beckett, and much of Theatre of the Absurd, life is meaningless, and we cope with the existential anguish knowledge of that fact produces by engaging in rituals that create a sort of meaningful structure for our existence. As metaphors for May's Brexit Britain, you could much much worse.

Keeping that in mind, the endgame, as it were, of Endgame is instructive. Watch Clov's final speech again; you can find Michael Gambon's version here. "You cried for night - it falls. Now cry in darkness"

THE SELF DESTRUCTION OF THE LABOUR PARTY

I don't care whether youre a Corbynista, Blairite, Millibandito, Blue Labour or whatever. The UK has just gone through the most turbulent three weeks in 70 years. 52% of the country has voted to leave the European Union; the leaders who lied and played the fear card to engineer that triumph have jumped ship; the prime minister who gave the country a referendum as the price of placating his own MPs and holding off a UKIP who gained at Labour's expense, not his, is gone.

There is a new Tory prime minister, chosen by a handful of grandees; there is the most frighteningly ideological and inept cabinet I have seen in my 40 years in Britain. In the face of all this, the Labour party has been silent, not even a squeaking opposition, being more concerned with ousting their own leader and marginalising their members who elected him. This is a godsend to the largely Tory media, who play Labour's internal division up above all the other problems, but don't blame the media for their biases, they are something you have to live with.

Labour achieved power under Tony Blair with a Bill Clintonesque third-way strategy based on Clinton's core precept: where else do they have to go? Thus you focus your appeal on the undecideds, swing voters, independents, marginal seats, and you treat your core voters with a kinder gentler version of the abandonment of a conservative government. Which worked until Labour's tepid response to six years of austerity under the Liberal Democrat/Tory coalition allowed the SNP and UKIP to give those ignored voters alternatives. Tory scare mongering on immigration worked a treat in pushing Labour votes to UKIP in England and letting Tories win parliamentary majority with barely more than 1/3 of vote, but it invited the no vote that won the Brexit referendum.

Labour has been waiting for someone to stand up and marshal the opposition to what was going on--offer the country a viable alternative, help the country make sense of the disaster that is going on. Jeremy Corbyn was elected leader by party members who saw that traditional Labour values and policies were an answer, but, villfied in the press as a nutter and abandoned by many in his party as a, uh, socialist, he was not the leader to marshal the sane part of the country, not the person who could gather opposition and perhaps force a vote of no-confidence once the public schoolboys (and girls) have finished ruining the country they see by right as their playground.

My guess is a figure who was able to do that with any level of articulation and energy might have been chosen Labour leader by acclimation once the dust had settled. If a majority of the parliamentary party and their big donors wanted Corbyn out, the sensible way to do it would be for someone to step up and lead opposition to Tories, not opposition to Corbyn. Filling the gulf of leadership for the country outside Westminster, and indeed outside the party, would make the point self-evident. But who stepped forward? Who presented a vision of anything for the country, anything except a party not led by Corbyn? 

By abrogating their responsibility to the country in a cheap effort to re-establish their control, they have moved Labour closer to a split, and nullified themselves not only as an opposition but as a potential government. The lesson of the Gang Of Four in 1982 was two more election wins for Thatcher, and political wilderness until Nick Clegg's craven deal with Offshore Dave Cameron. Putting self before party, putting party before country, and ignoring the best opportunity to present a united face of sanity in the wake of the past three weeks of chaos was the only sane thing to do, and the opportunity has been pissed away. Like a pack of rabid hyenas they turned on themselves, while a lame sheep strolled past uneaten. Shame on you, Labour.

NOTE: I don't often use this platform for political party broadcasts, but this morning I wrote a quick angry rant on Facebook, & it stayed with me through the day. So I've filled out the thoughts a little, trying hard not to let my despair poke through too far. 

IT TAKES AN IMMIGRANT TO KNOW A BIGOT: THE BRITISH ELECTION'S DIRTY SECRET

You might be forgiven if you'd thought effects of the collapsing Greek economy, triggering massive falls as far away as Wall Street,on Britain's fragile finances would have been the election's central issue. Instead, it was a different sort of Greek conflict that proved the election's key. Xenophobia may have originated in ancient Greece, but its power was manifest in the last week of the British campaign. In fact, Nick Clegg's downfall began the instant David Cameron managed to associate him with the desire to enter the 'Eurozone', and pointed out that if Britain had joined up to the Euro, it would now be committed to bailing out Greeks, who are, after all, foreigners, rather than 'saving' their own economy.

Yet xenophobia failed to figure in the discussions last night and today as election pundits struggled to explain why Clegg and his Liberal Democrats nose-dived so completely, failing to convert Clegg's strong poll numbers into victories in marginal constituencies. In the Lib-Dem's top target seat of Guildford, which borders my own constituency, the Tories actually increased their majority. The local Lib-Dems blamed it on being outspent by millions of Lord Ashcroft's non-dom pounds which the Tories brought in from Belize to target those marginals. Others attributed Clegg's fall-off to his lacklustre performance in the third TV debate, or to his gradual tarnishing as voters examined his policies more closely, or to his willingness to discuss coalitions which helped destory his image as the 'outsider', or even the success of Tory propaganda in convincing undecideds that they would 'vote for Clegg and get Brown'.

What made it worse was that the Lib-Dem decline began at just the moment Gordon Brown's televised 'gaffe' with Mrs. Gillian Duffy appeared to kill off his chances once and for all.

Coincidentally, it isn't difficult to pick out point at which the Tories drove the final nail into the Lib-Dem coffin. Having already lost his balance over the Euro, Clegg, like Brown toppled over and got skewered on the sharp stick of immigration. The moment David Cameron trapped Clegg on the issue of amnesty for illegal immigrants, those undecided Tory voters came swarming back up the ropes and onto the ship.

I have lived in this country legally for more than thirty years, but I am still an immigrant, and I recognise an appeal to xenophobia when I see one. When Gordon Brown muttered angrily that Gillian Duffy was bigoted, I wasn't shocked. Although throughout the first three weeks of the campaign he seemed intent on morphing into Anthony Hopkins playing Richard Nixon, what else would he call someone who wants to blame the problems of the country on people from other countries? When Cameron pulled the immigration rabbit out of his hat, Clegg tried to argue that his amnesty was directed toward people who'd lived here for ten years or more, people who were working and contributing to British society, not stealing benefit from hard-working unemployed British school-leavers. In the same vein, Gordon Brown tried to tell Mrs. Duffy that just as many Britons went overseas as foreigners came here, but she wasn't listening, and the argument went for naught as soon as Brown's exasperation was broadcast to Sky News.

As damage control set in, I then heard all three party leaders assure Mrs. Duffy (and us) that being anti-foreigner doesn't make one a bigot. They all agreed illegal immigrants were taking jobs from 'hard-working Britons'. If I'd realised it was that easy to find work, I would have gone illegal years ago. Being American, I also recognised that phrase 'hard-working' and know that it is code for the kind of families the BNP's Nick Griffin described as 'indigenous' to Britain. And no, by indigenous he doesn't mean Picts. It does not mean that they actually work hard, nor necessarily work at all, as anyone who drives past the ubiquitous unmanned road works, or those with twelve yellow vests watching one lean on a shovel could tell you.

In America, Hilary Clinton wasn't allowed to get away with using this coded language against Barack Obama in the 2008 primaries, but two years later all three parties raced, if you'll pardon the pun, to wrap themselves in the image of the cloth-capped Englishman working in factory five and half days a week. And the electorate, many of whom live in areas where the last factory packed up and left for China decades ago, were happy to accept the wrapping and ignore what lay underneath.

In that context it was somewhat reassuring, for an American remembering Florida in 2000 or Ohio in 2004, to watch reports about the malfunctioning of Britain's polling stations, of the hundreds turned away without a chance to vote, and particularly of the students in Sheffield forced to form separate queues from the 'local' voters and then denied ballot papers. That the student complaining about the lack of democracy to Channel 4 news came from Zimbabwe, and thus had no more logical right to vote than I did, simply added irony to the bizarre 'can't do' humour. And apparently, Afghan observers have declared the process free of any hint of fraud.

In the end, the Tories, sold the fear of immigration to 'hard-working' Brits better than the other two parties, and kept firm that third of the electorate who mistrust any new neighbours. People forget that it was Mrs. Thatcher, not the Anti-Nazi movement, that killed off Britain's National Front three decades ago, by appropriating their concerns into the broad tent of Conservativism. Nothing much has changed since then, and now, thanks to first-past-the-post, with 36 per cent of the vote, Cameron will find himself with only a handful fewer seats than Labour and the Lib-Dems combined, who attracted 53% of the voters but will be unable to form a majority government even were they to coalesce.

The TV debates had turned Nick Clegg into the equal of the other two party leaders, but the vote has turned his party back into power brokers but minor players. A hung Parliament with a resurgent Liberal-Democratic party arguing justifiably they deserved a full share might have instigated change, might have kept either of the other parties from pursuing too extreme a course in the face of the hard times coming. And you'd think a country spending hundreds of millions mired in two wars, at least one of which was entered illegally, that there might be just a little debate on the effect of trying to be an imperial power on a staggering economy. But no.

The dirty little secret is that it was the immigration issue that stopped that happening, that neutralised the debates, that returned the system to its chaotic status quo. And no one but immigrants is allowed to admit it.